True Love
I have contemplated Love for a few days (and for many lifetimes beyond that) as it is very important to me to understand certain parts of life that need a deep truth-full understanding in order for proper action. I consider heart centered Love to be one of those vital parts, especially when shared with another person .
Learning by doing is great and natural to make mistakes but only if we learn from them and break old patterns to come closer to real...like me 4 years ago in my last real serious relationship which was a combo of dream and nightmare, opposite ends of the spectrum, emotionally supercharged and I vowed to do a bit of soul searching before comitting to someone fully, to understand myself.
So I had a few casual relationships here and there, and kept communication fairly open but often found myself acting out of fear of a repeat of dramaville, and not allowing any woman too close.
Now I think I am ready, and without forcing anything someday hope to give up my life for her, to live only for her, whoever she may be.
Why am I ready?
Because I understand my mind, the impermanence of everything it brings, and learning better and better control my emotions, and to act out of wisdom instead of feeling.
To understand our minds we can understand others, since we all share the same mind.
As for intimate, fully comitted soulsharing relationships, there must also be a clear understanding, an open communication as to what the point of being together is...in anything we undertake we should always ask what the point is. The point of having a soulmate for me would be to be loved unconditionall by someone because I love them the same, complete surrender to someone else so the world may become a bit brighter.
I think the Into The Wild dude said it best that " happiness is only real when shared, " and that is what i am especially experiencing here in Thailand with my sister, my guru, and the couchsurfers that come thru,,,sharing is awesome! Giving without Any desire for compensation is a bit tricky but it is where magic lies and gets easier once the heartwarming benefits pick up speed.
My guru often says: if we dont care for anybody, then why should anybody care for us...and i see by his example that by doing and thinking constantly of others, serves him quite well to be cared for in return.
This way feels so right to me it requires no explanation I simply want a partner who i can live completely a thousand percent for and know in my heart that she is doing the same for me...knowing, not expecting...that is why the communication and constant renewal of eachother and the relationship is key, because uncommunicated expectations create unnecesary emotional tangles.
As far as emotions are concerned, i think true love is an exception in the spectrum...lust, passion, jealousy, infatuation, in-loveness, are all powerful mind/ego emotions that can create turmoil and discomfort and smother that understanding of the point two people unite: to know true, heart based love, calm and peaceful understanding with no room for doubt that these lives that were once two are now one.
So just ask what the point is and be aware of emotions that come up and be honest to yourself and the other person at all costs and co-muni-cate.
I also sorta believe that a man needs a strong woman, but a stong woman is perfectly fine solo...it has to do with the life giving capacity of each...women grow the life and give birth...men have one puny orgasm and all their energy is spent...who has more energy? Goddesses.
But propagation of our species is ideal when there is a conscious and loving mother AND father around.
This is what I think about that.
Today was epic as usual, epic food, been catching up on soooo much meat eating its rediculous, i dont think i was vegetarian in any past lives! Cruisin around the motorbikes in the rain, cruised a bookstore for a bit, then we bought a pound of curry paste to bring home and a whole box of nag champa, and discussed more dharma, specifically the cause of suffering (ego) and seeing everyone as equals and not letting our emotions judge their appearance or actions...the things they dont teach you in college....super!
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