ever further stealth

ever further stealth

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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Where are we?

Where am I

I’m on top of a hill overlooking two cities, two bridges, and vast morphing sky

I’m on the second story patio overlooking a neighborhood where shopping carts are one of the main fashions

I’m driving Mary Poppin’s Purse through Sacramento rush hour highway jammin’ Sex Pistols and sipping on a cold Sierra Nevada Porter

I’m walking out of the casino bar holding the bartender’s can of Ultra Pasteurized Sweetened Whipped Topping to draw on cars with

I’m getting told by Jim all eyes blazing that I’m trespassing and he called the sheriff and “if someone goes flyin’ over the edge and lands on a piece’a heavy machinery then it’s my liability and I get sued-“

“You know I won’t sue you-“

“If you won’t then your mom will!”

I’m woken up with an awful scare thinking the Police are raiding my house but it is only the sound of enormous ice and snow chunks melting from my favorite tree and smashing the windshield and roof of my van

I’m telling a complete stranger in a yellow jacket not to breathe as I invade his personal space to snap the zip tie and rightfully claim my free lift ticket

I’m snowboarding like its 2099 (because everything is free in 2099)

I’m standing on the side of the road with my thumb out whistling “Cool People are Coming My Way” wondering what soul I’ll get a glimpse at in a few short moments

I’m at the neighbors’ live private concert playing all original slaps on my thigh groovin’

I’m frying stirring chopping mixing pouring scooping spreading smelling cutting tasting dipping licking eating smiling laughing sighing sleeping living loving

I’m riding Luke’s bike back from the post office at high speed through a snowstorm with no eye protection yelling “I can’t see!” fluttering my eyelashes like a Tourettes-ed Marilyn Monroe

I’m breathless at the site of a psychadelic tangerine dream sunrise over a lake at six thousand feet above the level of the sea

I’m shouting at the sky like a primitive beast trying to understand too much at once

I’m spending twenty five cents all night to hang out and have drinks brought to me and have a jolly good time racing mechanical horses while people complain about not having enough money and I love every second of my existence even if I feel shitty sometimes because at least I feel and as emo as it sounds who really gives a flyin fanny fuck about much because there is NO PLAN for anything or anyone so we might as well just LOVE every second as it would be an absurd waste not to

I’m doing exactly what I want to do.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Mary Poppins' Purse

Sleeping in a van is a neat experience when you spend most of your life sleeping in warm rooms in a bed. Warm rooms do not have wheels which is a huge advantage. Currently my van, Mary Poppin's Purse (MPP), is parked outside my friends apartment perpendicular to the road just outside Tahoe City heading towards Alpine Meadows and Squaw Valley. On sunny days the morning sun blasts through my windows and slowly warms the van up and is a nice treat since I am STILL unemployed and can sleep in if I want. I wake slowly and lazily and watch and listen to the oncoming traffic whizzing and rhizzing (if they have studded tires) by. I can paint pictures with my feet if there is condensation on the window, which there usually is as my breath is fairly hot in the cold night. On snowy nights the snowplows sound like angry space ships coming in for a closer look at my colorful Poseidon Wizard mural, since most vehicles on this planet are one solid color. The snowplow alien brain processes information so incredibly rapidly that it learns the entire history of the soul that lurks in the mostly white but slightly colorful tin box.
Here is a quick run through of the steps I take to conveniently van camp in the winter time:
First and foremost, I pee and/or poo so that I do not get the urge in the middle of the night and need to leave my warm sleep cocoon. Lately I have been peeing outside MPP and staring at the zillions of stars and wonder if there is anyone staring at my beautiful planet. I know some van dwellers who have a bottle of sorts specifically reserved for urine in their van so that if they need relief in the middle of the night it can all be taken care of without stepping outside. As for poo it becomes a bit trickier but there is always the doubled up plastic bag trick. This involves laying 2 plastic bags (one if you are feeling brave or just don't have 2 bags) open and flat on the floor. Then just pop a squat and dook onto the plastic bag, wipe with toilet paper and put that on the pile. Quickly wrap the bags up and place outside until the morning when you can properly discard the waste...try not to forget about your bag'o'poo.
OK now that the biological details are taken care of it is time to cozy up. I take my jeans off and put on my favorite long johns and a warm pair of socks. I put a hooded sweatshirt on over whatever other top layers are on already. I have a neat microfiber balaclava to keep my dome warm...I have worn beanies in the past but the balaclava is nice as it keeps my cheeks and chin warm. Beanies are good for blocking out morning light if you are trying to sleep in. On really cold nights I also wear a thin pair of gloves, just for comfort. Now I am ready to slide into my sleeping bag. The bag I have is only 40 degree rated so it is not sufficient to sleep in by itself but I can hang out in it reading or writing or other random van activities that take place before bed.
Just this year I decided to get some candles for MPP which have proven good for meditation or some face warmth or just a nice ambient flickering light when the tungsten just isn't doing my head right. Under candlelight, on really cold nights I find it very calming to just sit and breath towards the light. Due to the stillness in the van I can manipulate my breath into millions of smoky dancing ghosts. Sometimes I will play music on the tiny portable speakers I acquired from a friend years ago. Usually I just read as it is my favorite and easiest way of falling asleep, unless I am severely drunk or stoned then I just lay there all chinky eyed and contemplate life and my existence.
Once it is time to clock out for the evening I get fully in my sleeping bag, put my hood up and cover myself with a duve'ed down comforter which I also acquired from a friend years ago. It is all free you see. Usually I do not like being completely under the covers as it becomes stuffy and claustrophobic due to my dragon breath so I tend to keep my nose and mouth poking out to breath the crisp air. My sleeping surface is a futon pad, also acquired free from a friend (its good to have friends in this life). The backrest on the bench seat of the van folds over to make a larger flat surface. There is a bit of an inconsistency due to the gap in between the bench and backrest and the bench sags slightly but it gives me options depending on what sort of sleeping mood I am in. I can lay completely on one side or the other or diagonally across both, my choice. I am 5 foot 10 and can lay straight across MPP with my head and feet barely touching the sides.
Then I sleep. I sleep as sound as any bed couch floor or dirt patch I have ever slept on. People often offer me couches and I decline since I have a bed in MPP. Rainstorms are a treat as it is like having surround sound of one of those mood dics playing the pitter patter of rain drops all around. Just last night the wind was howling and MPP was actually shaking quite a bit. I woke up wishing it was shaking for other reasons but we cannot always be that lucky hey? Where I am parked now is right next to an enormous tree of the piney sort. This tree was loving drumming away on MPP's roof all night. The concert sounded like piff boosh poosh pbooooosh pof pof biff boof with the occasional high note of BAM! and then I think it is Luke trying to wake me up by throwing the soccer ball at the window.
Wake up time is the reverse of going to sleep. Out of the covers, sleeping bag, balaclava, long johns, gloves, hoodie and into my jeans, shoes, and out the door to a beautiful new day. During this mornings exit the monster tree instantly thwapped my wrist with a snowball; I chuckled...that tree and I have a funny relationship. I think it is just lonely standing there all by itself all day with so much mechanical activity going on around it. It is always dropping its collected moisture on me, it knows I enjoy it.
Hopefully soon MPP will be buried up to her grill in the fluff and I will have a ski pass and a job and perhaps even a female body to share my cozy quarters with. It is incredible how much warmer it becomes with the heat of two bodies, and especially if those bodies are generating extra heat...cheeeeeeeky.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Epicness

Life is funny when everything is provided by the "dude upstairs"
...I found a sealed ziplock bag the other day with 2 granola bars, a clementine, and a banana in it...I found a shitty Huffy bicycle buried in the snow with a wonky front wheel but everything else in tact,,,I found a free filing cabinet on the side of the road that has now been converted into a kitchen cabinet/ prep table...I found amazing people to share the holidays with and make it feel like family...I play soccer in Luke's studio apartment, then do yoga, and then gogo gadget table and we sit on the same floor and share a meal...the neighbors have the door code to a hot tub nearby for sore bone soakin'...I got given a free lift ticket in the parking lot at squaw Valley yesterday and then ran into the girl who gave me a ride up to Squaw and followed her around, having soooo much fun in the process...just take it all as it comes, even when you get a bad vibe from people you just asked for a lift ticket from and mere seconds later a car passing by smashes you with brown puddle splash...we can only laugh at the silliness
...Tune in, turn on, and drop the fuck out of all the useless filler that you are fed to accept. You do what you want, I do what I want, and we laugh, that simple
...Oh and I found the sequel to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Life, The Universe, and Everything - at the library for a dollar, which I have a few of in my pocket still somehow
...The name of my book is going to be How to Not Work for Eight Months and Spend Three Thousand Dollars in Two Hemispheres Killing It. . .kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think?